Barbara's Adventure
by FlooCrookshanks
Summary: Sirius asks James to fix his little friend. Bear in mind that Barbara is NOT some OC Mary-Sue. WARNING: This fic contains sheepishness. Stay away if you have a tendancy to try out everything you read.


**Title:** Barbara's Adventure  
**Pairing:** Sirius/Barbara  
**Rating:** R for the sheep wound  
**Words:** 800 or so  
**Notes:** Challenge given by elusiveshe . Note that a) this is a humour fic and therefore SUPPOSED to be weird, and b) Barbara is a SHEEP and NOT some OC bimbo-bitch!

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Barbara was no ordinary sheep. Oh no! Barbara belonged to Sirius Black – a horny sixteen year-old wizard with a woolly fetish and a vivid imagination. 

The plastic against his skin burned, but it felt _good_. Yeah, Barbara wasn't a real sheep. Forgot to mention that. A present from his best friend James, Barbara was an inflatable sheep with a difference – she had a puncture.

"I _told_ you to be careful, you stupid sod," James grumbled, examining the damage. "What on earth did you do to it?"

Sirius grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at James. "_Well_ ... mmph!"

He peeled off the plastic sheep-shaped mass that had been thrown at his face and glared at a grinning James. "Har har, very funny."

"Oh, does it not taste so good when you're not alone, then? Perv," James retorted, then paused as he spotted something out of the window. "What the hell is _that_?" he asked, pointing at something laying in Sirius' front lawn.

"It's a ski mask," said Sirius without looking, and proceeded to poke at the deflated sheep's behind.

James raised an eyebrow.

"A ski mask?"

Sirius looked up briefly, nonplussed. "Yes, a _ski mask_."

"And dare I ask_ why_ you have a ski mask plonked in your front garden?" he asked, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer either way.

Sirius was now haphazardly trying to apply Spellotape onto Barbara and remained unfazed by James' questions.

"I was using them."

"Oh, first prize for stating the bloody obvious. What were you using them _for_?"

Sirius' eyes lit up.

"Ooh, I've never won a prize before!" he said, and poked his tongue out at James.

James rolled his eyes.

"_Sirius..._"

"Oh, _fine_," he said, trying to get a persistant bit of Spellotape off of his finger. "I put them on Barbara."

James turned away from the window and raised another questioning eyebrow.

"They make her look like a superhero!" Sirius explained defensively. The other boy stared at him.

"Which superhero?"

"Just _a_ superhero, you pillock." he said exasperatedly, as though explaining something very simple to an even simpler person.

"Okay..." James said slowly, and caught the Spellotaped-but-still-punctured animal that Sirius had just thrown at him, and began picking off the useless bits of tape. "So how did a ski mask give poor Barbara a puncture?"

"It didn't," Sirius replied simply. "It was the fence."

"The _fence_?"

"Yeah."

James waited for Sirius to continue, but when nothing happened, he paused and looked up at him.

"_And...?_"

"Oh right, yeah. Well!" Sirius took a deep breath. "I was taking Barbara for a walk – ski mask and all, of course – when we heard this cat coming from next-door's garden–" James ignored the use of 'we' and continued to look vaguely interested. "–and the cat was all meowing and stuff, but we couldn't see it. And Barbara was all 'We should go and check it out and be like real superheroes!' and who am I to ignore a sheep? So we tried getting over the fence, but Barbara's all 'Hey, man, that fence is too high' and I'm all 'No, it's not' and she's all 'Yes, it is!' and I'm like 'It _so_ is not!' –"

James cleared his throat. Sirius blinked.

"Right. Er... yeah. So Barbara's like 'Hey, we should go _under_ the fence' and I'm like 'I dunno about that, Barbara, we're a bit too big' but she was really persistant and rubbing her woolly bits just where I like it, so I had to give in, but of course _I_ was right all along and I think I got a bit enthusiastic – here you go, mate." Sirius tossed the roll of Spellotape to James. "Anyway, she got stuck under the fence, and in the end I had to puncture her myself to get her out, and here we are!"

James had stared nonchalantly at his friend while Sirius bounced around the room making wild gestures with his arms and legs to emphasise his thrilling adventure. It was quiet for a _long_ time.

"...So it wasn't _actually_ the fence that did it, then?" James lobbed the now fixed plastic sheep back at Sirius and sighed as he made his way out of Sirius' bedroom door. "You're such a weirdo, mate, you know that?"

TEH END

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**Where the challenge came from:**

FlooCrookshanks(17:13:14): give me an animal, a name, and something weird that happens to it  
FlooCrookshanks(17:13:30): or something that it does or wears  
FlooCrookshanks(17:13:31): something ODD  
elusiveshe(17:13:35): erm  
elusiveshe(17:14:03): a...sheep...called...barbara...that wears and ski mask and...gets stuck under a fence...

**A/N: **Yes I am fully aware that I turned Sirius and James into Jay and Silent Bob by the end. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

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End file.
